How Well do you Set and Maintain Boundaries?

How Well do you Set and Maintain Boundaries?

How well do you set and maintain boundaries? This is something that can take a bit of practice, and sometimes a mindset shift.
Sometimes we think we’re not very good as saying ‘no’, and yet every time we say ‘yes’ to something or someone, we’re actually saying ‘no’ to something or someone else (sometimes the someone else is ourselves). Our conscious ‘yes’ can therefore lead to an unconscious ‘no’ elsewhere, resulting in you spending time and energy with people and doing thing you’d prefer not to, or that aren’t the best use of your time and energy.

For example, saying ‘yes’ to a meeting you don’t really need to be at, or saying ‘yes’ to a task that may not be essential, or that someone else is better placed (or skilled) to do may mean you’ve subconsciously said ‘no’ to working with your team members that could really use your support. Or perhaps you have said yes to a social engagement you don’t really want to go to, and this has led to a subconscious (or conscious) ‘no’ to time with a friend or family member you would really like to be spending time with, or to time on your own simply to recharge and just be.

It's worth brining these choices to conscious awareness. What’s the impact on ourselves and others? What message does your boundary, or lack of boundary send? Is it the message you want to send?

Understandably we also tend to think about boundaries from our own perspective, thinking we are being kind, helpful, of service. We let people overstep because we want to people please, we don’t want to upset anyone, we want to be helpful, etc, etc, etc. However, if our boundaries are unclear, this can be confusing for others too. They likely don’t want to overstep and would be mortified to know they’ve put you in a position you don’t want to be in. They may be totally unaware of the impact they’re having. However, if they don’t actually realise that this is the case, they can’t make a different choice. So think about your healthy boundaries being both for you and for the other person.

Step one is to know what your boundaries look like and feel like. This can actually feel unfamiliar and take a bit of reflection. What do you want? What don’t you want?

Step two is to let others know your boundaries. You may communicate this directly, or sometimes via your behaviour.
Step three is to push back and gently highlight that a boundary has been crossed if this happens. Again, this can take some practice, but the benefits are there for you and for the other person.

If you need some support with boundaries in any context, please reach out.

Warmly,

Laurenne

Laurenne Di Salvo
Coach (PCC) | Clinical Hypnotherapist | Facilitator
0413 776564
www.harvestcoaching.com.au

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