Our teachers in life come in all shapes are sizes. For example, my kids are often my teachers. I know I’m biased, but I think they’re amazing little people. While both display these characteristics, one son loves passionately, thinks with such clarity, is compassionate and very patient. The other is creative and courageous and vivacious. I love them both dearly!

I also love that they are willing to call me on behaviour that others wouldn’t. I think this is important. They call my behaviour, question my comments and metaphorically hold up a mirror for me. This can be a little confronting. It is also very healthy. Fortunately, sometimes what they say is also what I’ve said to them, but clearly I need to hear the message too!

In fact, I’m sure they teach me as much as I teach them. Often this is about being mindful, about being present and about being grateful. Inadvertently, they enforce some of the principles behind Positive Psychology!

Let me give you a few examples:

One son wanted to buy Christmas presents for a couple of his friends. He used his pocket money and bought what I believed to be ‘expensive plastic crap’. I clearly mentioned this a few too many times, because he said to me, ‘Mum, can you not wreck this for me?’

He stopped me in my tracks. Instead of appreciating that he’d put a lot of thought into what
his friends would love, and being excited for him that he would enjoy the look on his friends’ faces when he gave them what he knew they would love, I was focused on how I objectively valued the gifts.

I immediately said, ‘Yes, I can let you enjoy this. I’ll stop.’

In one sentence, he’d reminded me that it’s the value we place on something that matters. Whether I thought there was value in the actual item or not, there was certainly value in the joy he was getting in giving the gifts and the joy he was getting out of thinking about his friends. Once I saw this, I got a lot of joy out of his joy.

Sometimes the boys will ask why I’m shouting and sometimes I’ll have a very good answer. Other times the answer will be that I’m grumpy or tired or frustrated with something or someone other than them. I love that they ask this question as it brings me into the present moment where I can mindfully think about what I’m actually upset about, be it with them, or something completely different.

Sometimes I have trouble with being present. My son’s have called me on this and as a result, I am more present with them. And it’s not always a matter of being ‘called on something’. Sometimes it’s just noticing. Noticing how much more the boys talk to me when we go for a walk and I listen intently, without thinking about all the other things I need to do.

Sometimes it’s watching how they interact with each other, or how they speak to someone who needs some help, or it’s how intently they listen to someone more knowledgeable (especially about soccer!).

Sometimes it’s about noticing how grateful I am that my youngest will still hold my hand in public and how both boys genuinely really want to spend time with me.

So while I have no intention of beating myself up about not being perfect (who is?), I am very grateful to have two little teachers under my roof!

Personally I love that we have the opportunity to continually learn throughout our lives and I think it’s important to always be open to this.

So I’ll leave you with a question to ponder. Who are the teachers in your life and what do they teach you?

Have a wonderful day.

Warmest wishes,

Laurenne

New Year’s Resolutions don’t set us up for success. They are all about ‘gonna do’, ‘wanna do’, ‘should do’, ‘if I get around to it’. It’s hard to succeed with this mindset!  

New Year’s Resolutions allow too much scope to give up, to keep putting things off and to make excuses. They are also usually vague. I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to get fit. I’m going to stop smoking. I’m going to have better work-life balance. Sound familiar?

It’s very difficult to manifest what you want if you don’t have clarity around what the change really looks like.

So what’s the alternative?
No doubt there are many. One approach that I really like is New Year’s Manifestations.

Why are they different I hear you ask?

The power of manifestations is that they not only require you to really visualise what you want in your life, but they are phrased in the present. This is powerful! Writing about your life as if the change already exists allows you to be more mentally and emotionally committed. The change isn't something you will do one day, something you are ‘gonna do’.  Mentally, you are already doing it. This also tends to keep things realistic. If you are thinking this sounds a lot like goal setting, that’s because manifestations are effectively the outputs of your goals.

Getting Started
I’d like to share with you a very simple approach that I’ve used for the past 5+ years. When I look back on my manifestations at the end of the year, without fail I have achieved at least 80% of them. This was never true for me with New Year’s Resolutions.

The Process:

1. At the end of the old year (in this case 2015), think about where you are in your life, where you would like to be, what you would like to be doing and what you would like to have in your life by the end of the following year (2016).

2. Try to visualise what your life will look like by the end of the year. You may even like to do this with pictures, drawings or photos, or a combination of images and words.

3. Once you feel clear on what you want, write this down as a number of statements written:

• In the present – Write your manifestations like they have already happened. ‘I am…’  and ‘I have…’ statements work well.
• With positive phrasing - Our brains aren’t wired to effectively process negative statements. Think about it. If someone tells you not to think about a purple elephant, you immediately think about a purple elephant. By writing manifestations in the positive, we create what we do want, not what we don’t want.

           Eg: I weigh (insert kilograms) and I feel fit, healthy and full of energy.

• As specifically as possible - How many days a week are you working? How many times a week are you going for a run? How are you feeling when you are doing these things? What kind of company are you working in, what is your role and what are your relationships like with your colleagues?

          Eg: I am working 4 days per week, earning $(insert amount) per year with colleagues 
          who nurture and support me. There are opportunities for professional development and
          ongoing learning.

• On paper (or on your computer) - Write your manifestations down! This is important. It helps with your commitment and accountability and it gives you something to look back on at the end of the year.

Your thoughts are very powerful, so use them to your advantage!

Remember too that another way we sometimes block our success is that we assume we have to bring about change all on our own. Many of us aren’t great at asking for help. However, I would suggest that seeking support is actually a strength and a sign of courage and commitment.

You may need support to get clarity on what it is you want to manifest, or it might be to work out what’s holding you back, be this unhealthy habits, self-limiting beliefs, your mindset or thought patterns. You may also want someone to help keep you on track, to help you clarify and work to your strengths and values, to motivate you, encourage you to take action and to hold you accountable.

If this is you, you may want to consider life coaching. To find out more, call Laurenne on  0413 776 564 for a confidential chat or to make an appointment and set yourself up for success in 2016!

Has anyone been to Sky Trail on Phillip Island? For those who haven’t, it’s a high ropes course that consists of horizontally strung cables, ropes, boards and other materials secured between 10 metre high steel poles. Not for those who are scared of heights! Even with a safety harness on, the top level still feels pretty high up.

So my family and I went last weekend. It was really interesting to see our different approaches.

My 10 year old son, who has no fear, went straight to the top level. I was the last one to get my harness on, so by the time I started climbing the stairs, my husband and younger son (8 years old) had already followed my 10 y.o. to the top. Once there, my husband and 8 y.o. watched for a bit and then went back down to the lower level. I thought I’d better stay with my 10 y.o. After all, I’m the parent and surely I should ensure he’s ok. However, it was a lot higher up than it seemed from the ground!

I managed one of the easier obstacles, but my heart was beating pretty fast at this stage. My 10 y.o. was already on fire, nearly running across the planks, so I figured given he met the height criteria to stay on his own and was wearing a safety harness, I could probably leave him there alone. For me, a better approach was to move back down a level and build my confidence first (this was my younger son and husband’s approach too). I wasn’t going to let it beat me though!

So that’s what I did. I started on the easier obstacles and as I got more comfortable and confident, I tried the harder ones and had a rush of pride in myself with each one I managed. Please note I’ve had issues with one ear that left me with some balance issues for a while. Thanks to the ability of the brain to rewire, my balance seems to be in very good working order again and Sky Trail really highlighted that for me.

Anyway, once I mastered the lower level I decided to go back up to the top level. I had a go at the easier obstacles. Success! I was also aware of making some assumptions. One of the planks across from one platform to the other that had no rope handles looked like it would be very wobbly when I walked on it. However, when I asked the guy who worked there what it was like, he told me it was easier than the single, foot-width plank I had just crossed. Turns out he was right, and so I tried a lot more of the obstacles I'd initially thought were difficult.
By the end, I’d even completed the single rope course that you crossed holding short, varying level strands of rope to hold you steady (not sure if you can picture this, but maybe visit Sky Trail and you’ll know the one I mean).

By this stage, my 10 y.o. had completed every single obstacle more than once and was heading down. My husband, who isn’t a fan of heights was done and my 8 y.o. had completed a lot more obstacles than I thought he would. I was really proud of him.

Sky Trail taught me a number of lessons.

1. Break down your goals
Firstly, you don’t have to achieve your overriding goal in the first attempt. It can work much better to start with bite sized goals. Achieving smaller successes helps build your confidence and allows you to more comfortably bite off larger chunks.

2. Learn from others’ experience
If someone has done what you’re attempting before you, ask them about their experience. You don’t have to take on their advice, but it’s helpful to learn from them and to assimilate their ideas and suggestions. They may challenge your assumptions and this is often a good thing.

3. Don’t give up!
If you feel you’ve climbed a bit high earlier than you were ready for, there’s no shame in moving back a step or two in order to allow you to move forward with confidence when you’re ready.

4. Remember there’s always more than one way to enjoy an experience
We all tackled Sky Trail at our own level of comfort and confidence and we all enjoyed the experience. Don’t compare your experience and success to that of others. If you’ve overcome an obstacle that challenged you, be proud of that.

5. Safety first
Make sure you’ve got your safety harness on. There is always support and it’s sensible to use it when you need to. There were many obstacles we could have crossed without the harness and we would have been fine, but it was good know there was a bit of support there if we needed it.

So, choose your obstacle and work your way across. It feels fantastic when you reach the next platform!

Have a wonderful day.

The end of the year brings many things. It brings fun, socailising, family and friends, celebrations, endings and new beginnings. It also brings with it many expectations and with this, many find the Silly Season quite challenging.

It doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not, the end of one year and the beginning of the next often invites reflection. What have I achieved this year? Did I live up to my own expectations? What will I do differently next year? What do I even want from the new year?

Expectations around being social can challenge people too. Some people love an end of year party, a bbq, an opportunity to get together with others in a less formal environment. Others find this challenging and know putting themselves out there socially will take a bit of energy, physical and emotional. And then there are those who have one foot in both camps, they enjoy being social, but the number of social events can leave them drained and craving time alone.

Then there’s the family gatherings. Whilst for the majority, spending time with family brings joy, closeness and connection, we all know there’s no one better than our families to trigger us. We may find we fall into family roles that perhaps aren’t the ones we want to continue to play.

All of this points to the importance of practicing self-care. If you need to say ‘No’ to some social occasions, that’s ok. Say ‘No’. If you want to get out there and have fun, do that, but make sure you have time to sleep, to have days where you eat well and that you can just be. If you benefit from exercise, find a way to fit this in. Maybe enjoy a walking catch up, instead of meeting for coffee or lunch.

Try and be aware of your triggers so that you can be less reactive. Viktor Frankl tells us that there is space between stimulus and response. It’s in this space that we can choose how we respond. While much easier said than done, if we can tap into this, Frankl tells us this is our opportunity for growth and freedom. So, take a breath and allow yourself the space to choose how you respond to triggers at a time of year that will trigger many.

If you do find the silly season difficult, seek support. You don’t have to go it alone and do remember, you won’t be alone in finding this time of year challenging. Many do!

If you’re wondering what you want for the new year, think about the goal behind the goal. That is, not just what you want, but why you want it? What will it do for you? How will it benefit you? What will it allow you to let go of? Understanding the goal behind the goal allows you to tap into deeper motivations that may allow you to more easily realise your New Year’s Resolutions. But that’s a whole other Blog post, so stay tuned.

If you would like some support to start 2016 on track, call Laurenne on 0413 776 564 for a confidential chat about where you’re at now and where you’d like to be. She can support you to implement the plans, actions and mindset necessary to set you up for a year of personal growth, sustainable life change and enhanced wellbeing.

Enjoy the last weeks of 2016 and take the space you need to breathe!

Have a wonderful day.

It’s hard to wait for what you want, especially when you’re working hard to ‘make it happen’. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m not a super patient person. I can get a bit action oriented. Recently I’m being challenged around patience and I’m trying to rise to the challenge, to look it in the eye and say, ‘I’ve got this’, or at least ‘I can go with this even if it’s not my favourite space.’ I’m trying to trust. Trust myself, trust the universe, just trust.

There are a few things I’m doing to try help myself. I’m reminding myself to enjoy the moment. I’m doing some of things I’ve wanted to do for a long time and I haven’t had time to do and I’m clearing out the old and preparing space for the new. Energetically, I’m letting the universe know that I’m ready. I've set my intentions, I've done the groundwork and I'll keep working towards my goals. I'll also keep reminding myself that one of my actions is to be ok with inaction. This is actually not just ok, but is in fact really important. After you plant seeds, they need time to grow undisturbed!

What do you do when you feel impatient?

In a yoga class I attended earlier this year, the teacher explained that a key concept in yoga is ‘letting go.’ You gain flexibility through letting go of tension. If you’ve ever done yoga, you’ll know that you can move into a pose more easily as you breathe out. There’s a letting go of tension with the breath. You relinquish control. This letting go feels fantastic if we can go with it. It enables our bodies to bend, to flex and to move into postures we didn’t know we could manage.

So let’s explore this idea of letting go. We can get very attached to ideas about situations, about people, about ourselves, or to the idea itself. This can be true even if we don’t particularly like what we’re holding on to. There can be a level of grief around letting go, especially if we’ve held on for a long time. It’s important to acknowledge this and to understand that this is a normal part of change.  It can be hard to let go! In yoga our bodies may resist. In life it may be our minds. The thing is, change can’t take place without a letting go. And once we manage this, we need to be prepared to sit empty for a time until the ‘new’ takes shape. If you force the change prematurely, you may end up with something you need to let go of again before long.

You may find too that you need to let go in stages. In yoga, you can often increase a stretch with each out breath. In life, you may need to let go of a little at a time in order to grow and achieve lasting change, to achieve a new form.

This isn’t to detract from how uncomfortable it can be to sit in the void that remains when you let go of something. Yet it’s worth considering that a void isn’t empty. Rather, it’s full of energy (a clever friend of mine suggested this). I think that perhaps rather than worrying about the lack of form, it’s helpful to concentrate on letting go of the need to mould the energy. Try to breathe out without worrying how far you will be able to stretch and just enjoy the process, or at least be comfortable to sit with the discomfort. If it’s not far enough, let go some more on the next breath. You may need to live with ambiguity for a while, but this is where growth takes place and you might just find that you are able to bend and flex into forms you never knew were possible.

So take a deep breath and then I encourage you to breathe out.

The wonderful thing about coaching is that it flips the question ‘What’s wrong with me?’ on its head. Instead, the focus is on exploring your strengths and values and your unique approach to life. In short, you start to ask ‘what’s right with me?’

I guarantee you that for each and every one of us, the answer will be ‘A LOT!’

What a wonderful base to start from! When we start with strong foundations, we can build an amazing future. We are also in a great position to support others.

If you’re wondering how to answer the question ‘what’s right with me?’ I would recommend you start by brainstorming. Grab a large piece of paper and your favourite pens, pencils, textas, or even cut words out of a magazine. Be as creative as you like. Then, without thinking too much about it, write down all the things you do well, all the things that are important to you and all the things that people have told you that they admire about you. If this is difficult to begin with, I would encourage you to press ahead anyway. Your perseverance may help you draw out your most creative ideas, or help you to tap into things that you've forgotten about yourself.

Remember that the idea of brainstorming is to write down everything that comes into your head. Don’t censor it at all. No one needs to see your piece of paper, so you can put down anything and everything. You may find you have to push through a ‘stuck’ phase before all the ideas come rushing out. It’s worth persevering to get to this point.

Once you have this all down on paper, read through it. You may find there are some themes coming through. They may start to emerge as clear strengths and values. These are the foundations you will then build on, allowing you to explore all the things that are right with you.

There are also online tools to help you identify your strengths. The VIA Character Strengths survey is a good one and it’s free.

If there’s ever a good time to work out ‘what’s right with me’, it’s now. If you need some help, coaching is a great way to do this.

Have a wonderful day.